The Purse Snatching
by Pet Archer
Summary: Hoodlum Alex DeLarge is arrested after being spotted on a street corner rifling through a woman's handbag in his possession. But is he really the culprit? There are surprises aplenty in this humorous short story that takes place for an entire day.
1. The Culprit?

Fan Fiction – "A Clockwork Orange"

Based on both the novel by Anthony Burgess and (mostly) the film adaptation by Stanley Kubrick. I do not own the rights to both works, nor the characters or the actors, except for "Peggy".

This is my first fan fiction since my interest in "A Clockwork Orange" got renewed this Spring. I'm glad to see there are others who love the film, and the characters, and wrote their own fictional accounts. Particularly with charming bad-boy Alex having love interests, and having the opportunity to change from being bad.

I will write a few stories I have (and had) in mind. I hope you enjoy them. But, please, no flames. After all, these are just fictional stories of whatever subject we like. These are just for our personal enjoyment.

**PLOT:** **Hoodlum Alex Delarge is arrested after being spotted on a street corner rifling through a woman's handbag in his possession. But is he really the culprit? There are surprises aplenty in this humorous short story that takes place for an entire day. **

**"The Purse Snatching"**

On a fine afternoon, diabolic hoodlum Alex Delarge, who goes by his familiar moniker 'Little Alex', is standing alone on a London street corner, near a 'Stop Ahead' sign. Dressed in his familiar gang member outfit (white shirt and pants, black boots, bowler hat, and, of course, the eyelash), he's carefully rifling through a woman's pocketbook. The knuckles on his right hand, however, appear to be bruised, as from (of course) a fight. He is so preoccupied in the pocketbook's contents that he doesn't notice some passersby avoiding him as they hasten to the opposite side of the street. From their fearful action, it is clear they know who he is. He glances up, and notices a frightened passerby. He smirks at the person; then returns his attention to the pocketbook.

Alex now crouches as he gradually takes out several items from the pocketbook: crumpled paper; an address book; lipstick; folded sheets of paper. He temporarily rests these on the ground.

"_Bezoomney_! Are these bleedin' items necessary?", he mutters in disgust at the unnecessary items he's been pulling out of the bag.

Then, something of interest catches his brilliant blue eye(s). Alex pulls out a pack of Kleenex tissues. He instantly pulls out two Kleenex, and starts to clean the bruise on his right knuckles. Finished, he tosses aside the blood-stained Kleenex, and comes across a Band-Aid. He takes it out, and, keeping the pocketbook under his arm, he tears open the bandage, removes the two ends, and carefully places the bandage on the bruised area of his knuckles. He smirks in satisfaction.

Not content that he took care of his bruise, Alex continues to rifle through the pocketbook. He sees a long change purse. He opens it, and pulls out several bills – about $50.00 (or 50 pounds, rather, since the setting is London). His eyes glimmer at the bills. He restores the bills back in the purse, however, for some strange reason.

Finally, he comes across a picture in the pocketbook. Alex fixes his gaze on the photograph as he pulls it out. It is a picture of a pretty blonde _devotchka_ with long hair seated at her vanity, and dressed in a black slip. Her long, stockinged legs are crossed. The black stockings are up to her thighs. Her bosom is covered, yet she is braless – her cleavage is ripe and full. She is seated between her vanity on the right, and a pretty frilly, yet smaller, table, on the left. She smiles in the picture, looking winsome, yet seductive at the same time.

Alex studies the photograph with the attractive _devotchka_. He gives his familiar twisted smile as he utters a knowing chuckle to himself. Four words are already in his dark, twisted mind. Four familiar words, often uttered twice to make his sick point known, what he desires: _'the old in-out, in-out…'_

"**HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU ROTTEN LITTLE BASTARD!**", an angry male voice orders out of nowhere.

Alex, coming out of his reverie, looks up. It is three policemen. They are poised with their guns drawn at him. He turns on the charm, and smiles, his blue eyes glinting.

"Hi-hi-hi, there, Officers!", he greets them. "I portend is there trouble somewhere?", he asks.

"Put the purse on the ground, and put your hands up! **Now!**", Officer 1 orders him.

"Righty-right!", Alex playfully responds.

He begins to pocket the photograph in his shirt pocket.

"Put that picture down, stand up, and move away from the purse!", Officer 2 orders him.

Alex now refuses.

"The picture's me own!", he insists.

"**Put it down, and move away from the purse!**", Officer 2 shouts.

Alex now rises to his feet, and moves away from the pocketbook. Yet he continues to resist giving up the photo.

"Sirs, Please! The photo is mine!", he insists, again.

The Officers charge at him. A third Officer comes forward and takes up the pocketbook, and Alex's cane. Officers 1 and 2 seize Alex, and put the handcuffs on him. Alex isn't bothered by this. But, strangely, he's very concerned about the photograph that Officer #3 now snatches out of Alex's shirt pocket.

"The bloody photo came from the purse you snatched! So it couldn't damn well be yours!", Officer #3 retorts. "Off to the Station! Move on!"

"Very well, then", Alex replies as he calmly relents. He does throw a concerned glance at the photograph in Officer #3's grip.


	2. Interrogation

At the Police Station, Alex is in the Interrogation Room with Detective Constable Tom (from the movie) and another detective. Alex is cocky and smug as he speaks using _Nadsat_ in-between. His derby is on the table, next to the pocketbook he stole.

"It's got to be you, eh? Always **you**!", Tom tells him. "You just can't keep you're arse out of trouble!"

"_Appy-polly-loggies_, brother-sir! But I honestly didn't start any trouble, this time", Alex explains. "Except when that bolshy Billy Boy snatched the pocky-booky from me grasp! That's when I _tolchocked_ him, and took it back!"

"Where did you get the pocketbook? Whom did you snatch it from?", the other detective asks him.

Alex looks at him.

"My wife", he replies.

"I said who did you snatch the purse from?", the detective repeats, impatient.

"I just told you: My wife."

Tom then pulls out the photograph of the leggy girl Alex was leering at before his arrest, and presents it to Alex, who brightens upon seeing it.

"Where did you get this? From a porno shop?", the detective asks in sarcasm.

"**Of course not!**", Alex firmly denies, annoyed at the question.

"This was in the victim's purse!"

"I know that. That's my wife in the photograph!"

Tom and the detective have heard enough of the nonsense. Tom raises his voice.

"**Look! - Whose bloody pocketbook is that? Your next-door neighbor's? A woman in your bleedin' neighborhood?"**

"And I told you three times already: It's my **wife's! **My **_devotchka_****!**", Alex rebuts, speaking in _Nadsat_. "But you can't _pony_ that!"

"_What?"_, the detective utters, totally lost in Alex's slang. Tom could care less. He yells:

"**Cut the BS, Little Alex! – and take your bloody feet off the chair!"**

Alex, leaning back in his chair, his hands folded behind his head, had just propped his feet up on a nearby chair. He's enjoying watching the detectives getting angry as he's provoking them.

"Righty-right, then!", he replies. He assumes a 'proper' position, smirking at the angry detectives before him.

"So, what do you plan on doing, now, Little Alex?", the detective sneers. "Cooperate and admit the truth?"

"No. I'll just sit here and _viddy_ **you**!", Alex replies, looking at him in the eye.

Just then, Mr. Deltoid enters the Interrogation Room. He's glad to see Alex in police custody, once again.

"Good Afternoon, Officers!", Mr. Deltoid greets Tom and the detective.

"Hi-hi-hi, Mr. Deltoid!", Alex greets him. "Always a pleasure to _viddy_ you, Sir!"

Mr. Deltoid goes in his typical 'sing-song' sneering as he speaks.

"Ah, Alex, boy, yes? In trouble with the law, again, yes? I just learned it concerns another street fight, and a purse-snatching, yes?"

"Partly true, Sir. I got into a _nozh –_er, fight because a familiar bully tried to steal my lady's bag, Sir", Alex explains.

"Is that so, Little Alex? Your _**lady**_, yes? Where was this said 'lady' of yours? At your side while going out on a stroll? Is there, really, a 'lady' of yours?"

The detective now interjects, jeering:

"He's been claiming the pocketbook is his **'wife's'**!"

Mr. Deltoid sneers further at Alex regarding this interesting topic.

"**_Wife? _**You have a wife, Alex, boy? After all the nasty things you and your certain friends have committed with women, you have the nerve to sit here and tell us you have a **wife?**"

"Yes, Sir."

"He's lying, Sir. The despicable animal refuses to admit to the crime!", Tom adds. Mr. Deltoid continues to study Alex, who continues to calmly take the men's insults with a wicked smile.

"I'm trying to figure you out, Little Alex. **What** girl would dare put herself with **you** to be your **wife****?** Unless if you've accomplished that, no doubt, by **force,** yes?"

"Welly-well well: That's for **me** to know, and for **you** to find out!", Alex smartly replies with a playful raise of his eyebrows. The detectives and Mr. Deltoid are not amused one bit.


	3. The Victim Arrives

Then, the telephone in the Room rings. Tom answers it. He speaks for several minutes. Then:

"Okay, send her in."

Hanging up, he turns to Alex, triumphant.

"Right! You SOB! Your victim is here!", he tells Alex, who continues to remain calm and confident.

"Fine! I'm not going anywhere! – Well, I **can't**, actually, with all you _milllicent_ here!", Alex replies.

Moments later, a man enters with a slender, leggy blonde at his side. She wears a long black dress, black stockings, and black pumps. She's wistfully pretty, yet she has a very worried expression. She dabs at her eyes, which streak with makeup and tears. She whimpers and sobs.

"Don't worry, Miss. The culprit can't hurt you", the detective assures her. "Detectives are questioning him. Go in, dear."

"Thank you…", 'Miss Leggy' tearfully replies.

Alex's eyes brighten upon seeing her.

"Sweetheart?", he calls out to her.

The girl sees him. Her sobs deepen.

Mr. Deltoid attempts to warn her about Alex.

"Miss, **Please!** This is a highly **dangerous** man! You've no idea what he's…"

The girl disregards the warning, and hastens into Alex's waiting arms.

"Alex! **Alex!**", she tearfully utters, and breaks into sobbing. Her head is on his shoulder. Alex, caressing her long hair, consoles her.

"I'm all right, luv. Your Uncle Alex is here still holding his own!"

The men present are rather surprised at the girl's open affections for Alex Delarge; and of Alex's for the girl. Alex dries her tears with his hand. He draws the girl to him, and tenderly kisses her. She returns it, but tries to keep the kiss simple. Alex pulls her onto his lap. Chuckling, he attempts to make her sit on his lap in a straddling position. The girl resists, since they are both in public. She adjusts her dress and keeps her long legs demurely together.

"**No! Alex, behave!**", she admonishes him in a half-whisper. Alex is amused at her modesty.

The men are beside themselves in shock. Tom boldly asks her:

"Miss, do you know the defendant?"

"Yes. He's my **husband**", she tells them.

The detectives and Mr. Deltoid are all aghast. Alex is laughing.

"YOU'RE **WHAT?**", they ask in unison.

"Little Alex is my husband," the girl confirms. "He **is.**"

"I've been telling you the pocketbook is my wife's!", Alex rebuts. "But you wouldn't believe me!"

Tom is enraged.

"**HOW IN HELL DO YOU EXPECT ****ANYONE ****TO BELIEVE YOU'RE MARRIED AFTER ALL THE BLEEDIN' RAPES YOU'VE COMMITTED? BOTH YOU AND YOUR DAMNED FRIENDS?"**, he yells.

The Girl, frightened by the yelling, cries out and clutches Alex, who now admonishes Tom for yelling. He caresses his wife.

"Hey! Don't go _creechy_ here with my _devotchka_! She's in a fragile way, you bastards!"

Mr. Deltoid figures out the youthful Mrs. Delarge's 'fragile way'.

"Oh, God of the Heavens! You don't mean she's – **Good God!**"

"Officers, don't yell at him – **please**!", the Girl tearfully pleads in Alex's defense.

They see Alex gently patting the little bump under the Girl's dark dress. She's sobbing as her husband tries to calm her. They also notice the Girl's left ring finger, which displays a gold ring. Alex's left hand displays a gold ring, too. Alex glares at them.

"You _bolshy_ bastards want to _creech_ at me, fine! But not in front of my _devotchka_! You're frightening the little one!"

"What the hell - ? You're a father, too?", the detective asks Alex.

"Righty-right, I am – and will be, again!", Alex asserts.

"Oh, dear, dear!", Mr. Deltoid laments. "The religionists are so right: The world **is** coming to an end!"

The detectives try to take a gentle tone with Mrs. Delarge. They give her some tissues and her pocketbook. They both do their best to ignore her husband.

"We apologize, Missus, for upsetting you. We didn't know you were pregnant", Tom apologizes.

At Tom's mention of the word 'pregnant', he, the detective and Mr. Deltoid all look at Alex and glare at him. It's as if they all want to kill him for causing his wife's condition. Alex solemnly regards them all in return. Tom then returns his attention to Mrs. Delarge, who is calmer. She sniffles.

"May we ask you: What was your husband doing with your pocketbook?"

"He just needed some money, Sir…**GASP!**", Mrs. Delarge starts to explain – then gasps when Alex playfully takes the pocketbook out of her grasp. Holding her carefully, he boldly opens up her bag, and takes out her change purse. He assumes a sweet tone to her.

"You know I needed some 'pretty polly', luv!"

"I know. I was laughing when I realized you walked out of the house with my bag! You only left the keys!", she giggles. Alex smiles.

"You like that, eh? – Well, things got ugly after I left you. Ya see, that _bolshy _bastard, Billy-Boy came up, and grabbed your bag from me _rookers_. It wasn't too long that we scrapped; then I got back the pocky-booky, leaving the bastard in a heap. I went off alone at a corner, and had your bag. Then these bastards arrested me."

"Oh, Alex! I'm sorry about your troubles. Oh, dear! Your knuckles, love!"

She gently kisses and massages his bandaged knuckles.

"It's all right, love! It's fine, now!", Alex assures her, regarding his hand. He caresses hers in turn.

The detective intervenes, having heard the entire story from Alex.

"What were you planning to do with the money?", he asks him.

"I was planning to get some _moloko_", Alex answers in _Nadsat_ – intentionally, to upset the detectives.

"Oh! That 'drug-laced' milk, eh? The crap you and your friends drink?", the detective angrily asks him.

"Certainly! Me and my 'droogies' got plans for this _nochy_!", Alex answers.

Mrs. Delarge intervenes.

"Alex, stop that! – No, he was going to get milk for our son", she truthfully explains.

Outside of the Interrogation Room, all the members faintly hear a familiar mature woman's voice speaking. A baby's cooing is also faintly heard.

"Ma'am, this is really no place for a baby", a man tells her. "We're just looking out for your interest, that's all."

"I appreciate it. But I'm looking for my son and daughter-in-law…", the woman replies.

Alex hears the voice, and looks toward the door.

"_Em?_" he utters.

"I told your parents, and they rushed me here", Mrs. Delarge informs him.

A police officer opens the door and helps push in a streamlined perambulator. A spry elderly woman enters holding a baby about 5 months in her arms.

"Thank you, Sir", she tells him. Turning, she sees the subjects of interest.

"Alex! Peggy!", she calls, going over to them. "You all right, Son?"

"I'm okay, Em!", Alex confirms, happy to see his mother.

"Hi, Mum!", Peggy greets her mother-in-law.

Mrs. Delarge (Senior) carefully edges her way over to her son and daughter-in-law.

"Good afternoon, Good afternoon, Mr. Deltoid. Apologies to all", she utters to the detectives and Mr. Deltoid.

"Mrs. Delarge, Ma'am", Mr. Deltoid responds. His eyes are on the baby, who's dressed in a blue romper. He snorts as his blue eyes – clearly that of Alex – looks over his grandmother's shoulder. He is deposited into his mother's waiting arms.

"Here you go, luv! And I've got his formula, here – ", she tells Peggy, who cradles him. Mum hands Peggy the bottle of formula. Peggy proceeds to feed the baby. She is now off her husband's lap, and seated on a chair beside him. Alex proudly looks on at his infant son. The detectives quietly stand aside, waiting for the family to settle down.

"Oh! – Am I interrupting something?", Mum asks, straightening as she turns to the two detectives. "Why is Little Alex here? Has he done something he shouldn't?", she inquires.

"If I've done something?", Alex playfully repeats, a bit surprised that his mother would ask that regarding him.

"Your son is here because he stole a woman's purse, and got into a fight with another gang member", Tom informs her. "But your daughter-in-law said that the purse is hers; and that his original intention was to get milk or formula for your grandson."

"Uh-huh. Is that all he did, Sirs?", Mum asks them, now sitting down at the table.

"It was sort of a mix-up, Mum", Alex tells her.

"Oh, I see, son".

Alex catches Mr. Deltoid looking at Peggy feed Alex, Jr. He's studying the young mother. Alex's arm is about Peggy. This tender scene is unbearable for Deltoid.

"You all right, Mr. Deltoid?", he asks. "Does this offend you, Sir?"

"Certainly **not** your 'Missus' or the baby, Little Alex!", Mr. Deltoid answers, coldly looking at Mr. Delarge. He turns to the two detectives at the table.

"One of you – Please bring me some water, will you?", he asks one of the detectives. Detective #2 complies. Mr. Deltoid suddenly remembers, and promptly calls him back. Deltoid takes a dollar (or 1-pound) and hands it to the detective.

"Here: Bring a bottle of water - **CLOSED**. When you come with it, stand before me, open it, and pour it in my cup, if you please. For 'safety reasons', which I shall not disclose!", he requests.

The detective leaves. Alex smirks, remembering Mr. Deltoid's 'incident' with the glass of 'water' he drank. Deltoid glares at Alex.

"You knew about that water, Little Alex. But out of wickedness, you chose to let it happen!", he reminds Alex. However, he is careful not to disclose the details so as not to upset the women present. Alex does the same, as he responds to Mr. Deltoid:

"You were not looking at the glass, Mr. Deltoid. And, really, you shouldn't have been in that room in the first place!"

"Son, what happened?", Mum asks him.

"Nothing, Em. Forget it", Alex replies.

"What happened, Alex?", Peggy asks him.

"It's **disgusting, **Sister. You don't need to hear it", he tells her.

"Disgusting?", Peggy asks, starting to cringe in horror.

"It's in the past, luv", Alex asserts. Then playfully tickles under her chin, making her giggle.

"_Peggy Leggy!_", he teases her, regarding both her name and her shapely long legs.

Mr. Deltoid and Tom are angry and revolted to see the couple's affections towards one another.


	4. Assorted Follies and Julie

**Chapter 4 – Assorted Follies/Julie**

Suddenly, a flurry of noise comes from outside of the Interrogation Room. First, there are youthful male voices, speaking in _Nadsat_, with crazy laughter in-between. There is also a calm and patient male voice among them. The voices are all familiar to Alex and Peggy.

"The _droogies_!", Alex utters, brightening as he looks toward the door. He is right.

Pete, Georgie and Dim anxiously arrive. They see their leader inside the Interrogation Room, and are very glad to see him.

"**Alex!**", they call out.

As they hasten, Dim accidentally bumps into a lady secretary.

"Oh, dear! I'm terribly sorry, Ma'am!", he apologizes to her, speaking in polite British English. Pete and Georgie also apologize to her. They, too, speak in proper British English. She accepts their apologies, and lets it slide. She leaves.

Alone, again, the boys resume being loud and speaking in Nadsat as they hurry over to Alex. They greet, first, Peggy and the Senior Mrs. Delarge, tipping their bowler hats. The formalities over, the boys fall back into character. Alex rises to meet them. He puts back on his bowler.

"Alex! We got the _vonny bratchny_ Billy! He's with the _Millicent_ here!", Dim tells Alex.

"Here? Pray tell, which room, or floor?", Alex asks.

"_Odin_", Pete informs him. "He's somewhere _oddy-nokky_, Alex."

"We learned he was in a _krast_ with a _devotchka's __pocky-booky_. He got into a _nozh scrap_ with another _malchick _over it!", Georgie explains.

"Right! – with **me**!", Alex adds. "The _pocky-booky_ is me dear Peggy-Leggy's. The _bratchny viddied _me with it when I left my flat; he snatched it out me _rookers_. And, you all know your humble friend and Leader: I _tolchocked _him pretty good. He also worked me with some _tolchocks_, making _krovvy_ spurt out a bit from me _rooker_, here…"

The boys continue in their playful exchange of Nadsat. It's as if they're speaking a foreign language between themselves. Peggy – now burping the baby - appears captivated to hear her husband and his friends speak Nadsat; although the poor girl has no idea what they are saying. Her pretty eyes follow each of the droogs as they speak.

So does Alex's mother. She looks toward Pete for translation. Pete playfully raises his eyebrows at her. He'll likely tell her, later. Right now, he's having fun with his friends making Mr. Deltoid and Tom upset as they cannot understand what's being said. Alex makes eyes with Pete, smiling mischievously. Mrs. Delarge Senior turns to her son.

"Did you boys learn that in school, Alex, dear?", she asks him.

"Perhaps, so, Em, if be", he smartly replies. "We're only _fillying_ with the _gullivers_ of the m_illicent_, here, and enjoying their _litsos_! – Don't you agree, my dear 'Leggy'? Right right right?"

Alex turns to Peggy, checking out her pretty, yet confused, _litso_ (face). She's trying to understand what he just said. He gives her a wink. Peggy blushes.

"**Oh!**", she gasps, lowering her gaze from him.

Just then, Alex Jr. chortles in his mother's arms. Alex takes him from her, allowing her a break. Enamored by his wife, Alex plants a kiss on her cheek, surprising her, again. Peggy covers her face, blushing more. She's still charmed by the wink he just gave her.

Alex, cradling his young namesake and chuckling at his bashful wife, turns to Pete.

"Pete, all's peachy with Georgina Peach?", he asks him, referring to Pete's wife, Georgina. Pete smiles.

"_Choodessny_, Alex. _Dobby _and _dorogoy_…", Pete replies - or starts to reply.

Mr. Deltoid and Tom have had enough of their exchange, since all of them are being left out. Tom rages at them:

"**WILL YOU ALL STOP WITH THAT? YOU BLOODY CLOWNS ARE GETTING ON OUR BLEEDIN' NERVES WITH THAT DAMNED HOG LANGUAGE, YOU BLEEDIN' GOOD-FOR-NOTHINGS!"**

The droogs erupt in laughter. Then, 'Little Alex Jr.' wriggles uneasily in his father's arms. The yelling has startled him. Alex, holding the 5 month-old on his shoulder, gently rubs his back to soothe him. The senior Alex reminds Tom:

"Didn't I warn you about _kreeching_, earlier? Have you forgotten?"

"Look - **This is ****my ****workplace, you bedbug! Remember that! **I'll calm down only for your two women and the child! **That's IT!"**, Tom reminds Alex, in turn.

Mr. Deltoid has his say.

"You four are very rude to speak another language while in the presence of those who do not speak it! And how disgusting of you, Little Alex, to do this in front of your wife and mother!"

"It's all right, Mr. Deltoid. We're only speaking about the purse-snatching", Alex coolly explains. "That's all."

The detective returns with Mr. Deltoid's unopened bottle of water. He stands before Deltoid, who closely observes his actions. The detective removes the bottle cap, takes up Mr. Deltoid's cup, and pours the water in the cup for him. Mr. Deltoid is content, and thanks him profusely. Alex looks on while caressing his infant son. The detective gives Alex a brief dirty look. Alex gives him a smirk, in turn.

"I take it something bad has happened, Mr. Deltoid, with your drink, one time?", he asks Mr. Deltoid.

"Yes. I won't discuss it before the women."

"I think it's time we dismiss the women, now!", Tom suggests.

"I'd like to be dismissed with the women, also, if you please", Mr. Deltoid asks. "I cannot take this much longer!"

"Hey! _Viddy_, all: It's **Julie**!", Georgie cheerfully utters, pointing towards the door. A tall bespectacled man and a dark-haired woman are seen conversing with one another.

Tom, the detective and Mr. Deltoid are puzzled, once again, at mention of 'Julie'.

"Who's **_Julie_**?", Tom asks, observing the woman conversing outside the Room.

"Maybe she's a witness to the purse snatching. Let her come", the detective says.

They look toward the door, awaiting the entrance of 'Julie'.

The woman walks away, carrying files in her arms.

Entering, instead, is the tall, muscular, bespectacled, yet very laid-back, Julian. He is the (former) bodyguard of Mr. Frank Alexander – him and his late wife were victimized by Alex and his droogs. Mr. Alexander has gone mad, bent on exacting endless revenge on Alex, and is institutionalized.

Julian is now a crime-fighter, himself. He's a detective at another Police Station in London. He is still very muscular and powerful. Yet, he has retained his quiet persona. It is this alleged 'quiet' that is deceptive to wrongdoers. Julian seems a 'pushover'. And that is exactly how Julian wants the wrongdoers to perceive him. In this way, he catches them off-guard.

"Hi, there, Julie-Jule!", Alex greets him in his typical playful manner.

"Good afternoon, everyone… Ladies…Alex…", Julian coolly greets them.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a folded sheet of paper. He opens it, and turns to Pete, Georgie and Dim, who look at him.

"Guys, from your wives…Pete, Georgina needs you to pick up two gallons of milk on your way home…Georgie, Elaine wants you to pick up the suit from the tailor, and drop it at your father-in-law's…and Dim, Helen needs a can of Secret Spring Breeze…"

The droogs agree to their wives requests. The detectives and Mr. Deltoid are, again, astonished by what they just heard.

"**What?** These three fools are married, too?", Tom asks in disgust.

"Does that bother you, Sir?", Georgie asks him.

All four droogs laugh.

"Perhaps, Georgie-Boy! Mr. Deltoid certainly isn't happy I'm married!", Alex tells Georgie. They laugh more.

Julian then speaks to the detectives.

"Why is Alex under arrest? Billyboy is the actual purse snatcher."

"How do you know that?", the detective asks Julian.

"Georgie and Dim saw it all. They saw Billyboy grab the bag from Alex when he came out of his apartment. I had them out on watch since there were some gang-related thefts in Alex's area. I wasn't far away. Alex was the bait for Billy-Boy, although he did have an errand to make for his wife."

The detectives and Mr. Deltoid are in shock by Julian's explanation.

"Wait! Hold on! – You had **Georgie** **and Dim** **on watch?**", Tom asks Julian. "Like the **_Police_**_?_"

Georgie makes a surprising admission.

"Dim and I **are** Police!"

"Yeah! We're Police!", Dim repeats. Georgie gives a full explanation.

"We're both of job age. After all that's happened to Little Alex, having that Ludo treatment out of him, he now works with the government. So, seeing Alex is now a fairly responsible _chellovek_, Pete, Dim and I decided to change things up with us. Pete works preparing food at a hospital. And Dim and I chose to work on the side of the law."

Mr. Deltoid, listening intently, appears as if he's about to suffer a stroke. He's not happy that these four once-violent punks have changed. The detectives aren't pleased, either.

"If you work for the law, why are you all dressed like hoodlums, then? And why are Alex and your quiet friend (Pete) working with you two? They already have jobs!", the detective asks George.

Julian now intervenes, calmly explaining:

"They are already familiar with the ultraviolent lifestyle. They engage in it now – if I should use the word 'engage' – only to catch the real hoodlums out there who are regulars, such as Billy-Boy. These four, too, were regular participants. They know the works. But they want to do good for society, this time. The boys are in my employ at the precinct where I am. And, yes, Alex and Pete have their own separate jobs. But I have both of them working part-time with me at the precinct to help nab the criminals. Plus, they are reunited with one another, and their amazing camaraderie helps them to engage in undercover Police work by _**pretending**_ to carry out what they used to indulge in: ultraviolence… Do you understand, now?"

"Yeah! Do you understand, now, Sirs?", Dim repeats. Although he's of 'job age', he's still foolish. Or according to Nadsat, _gloopy_.

Julian solemnly regards the detectives and Mr. Deltoid.

Mr. Deltoid, and the two detectives can stand to hear no more. He rises and prepares to leave. He has parting words of warning to Peggy Delarge.

"I've heard – and had – enough of this for the day! Detectives…Ladies…Mrs. Peggy, just mind yourself and the infant, if you please! You're taking a great deal of **risk** with the young man you are married to! That's all I have to say to you."

Mr. Deltoid turns to Alex, who's cradling Baby Alex.

"As for **you**, Little Alex, you proudly flout your marriage to this girl! Since you're showing off, **make sure** you married out of proper channels! **BECAUSE GOD HELP YOU IF I EVER FIND OUT THIS MARRIAGE IS THE RESULT OF A ****RAPE****!"**

Alex is a little surprised, yet not bothered at all by Mr. Deltoid's anger. But his beloved wife is. Frightened, she begins to cry.

Alex gives Baby Alex to Dim. Alex embraces Peggy, consoling her.

Mr. Deltoid, seeing Peggy cry, gets suspicious.

"Mrs. Peggy: Dear child, you are crying. I hope there is no truth to this…yes?", he asks her.

"No…Alex loves me…and I do love him, Sir", she sobs.

All eyes are on Alex and Peggy Delarge. Alex tenderly caresses Peggy as she continues to cry on his shoulder.

Mr. Deltoid and the detectives glare at Alex. They're so eager to bust him.

"Your wife weeps, Little Alex, after my warning to you", Mr. Deltoid tells him. "You **are sure** there is no truth to this, Alex?"

"My wife cries easily, Sir", Alex tells him plainly. "She is timid. And she's very shy – even with me, when I flirt with her. This is her nature."

Pete, Georgie and Dim agree.

"Yeah. He's right." "That's true, Sir." "She's really like that."

Mr. Deltoid continues to be disgustedly suspicious of Alex.

"I shall be investigating this, yes? – **And God help you if I ****ever ****find out you're lying!**", he warns Alex once more.

He finally storms out of the Interrogation Room.

Tom is livid. He turns, first, to the women.

"All due respect to the women, and the child…"

He turns, next, to Julian.

"Julian: You and your four clowns - **GET OUT! JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRECINCT!**"

Tom continues to rage on Julian, who stares at him in calm, yet growing, surprise.

"You're doin' a great job, Julian! Coddle these imbeciles! Keep them under your wing! And condone anything Little Alex does! He can do no wrong! No wrong! **NO! - Encourage them all!** Two of your clowns work for you as Police? Fine! – **Keep them over at ****your ****station! JUST KEEP THESE FOUR DAMN ASSES ****OUT OF MY PRECINCT, AND OUT OF MY SIGHT!"**

Julian coolly watches Tom as he rages. Alex and his Droogs regard him in muted surprise. Peggy continues to cry on her husband, sobbing and whimpering. Alex's mother is taken aback at everyone's attitude toward the changed Droogs.

Tom storms out of the Interrogation Room. He pushes aside one of the steel chairs, totally enraged. Some staff members outside the room regard him in surprise as he emerges. He turns towards the Interrogation Room and points towards the Droogs (Alex, Pete, Dim and Georgie) and Julian. He yells:

"**They're they are: The Four Stooges! - Moe, Larry, Curly and Shemp with Bozo the Clown! They're all damned sickening!**"

He storms away. The remaining detective coldly dismisses them:

"You all make us **sick****!** - Ladies."

He leaves. There is a moment's silence between the unusual group.

"What gives, Jule? Would they prefer that we all go back to the old ultraviolence, then?", Georgie asks Julian.

"Come on, people. Let's leave their precinct", Julian calmly replies. "Don't let their anger ruin your day. They're the ones with the problem. The four of you did a great job nabbing Billy-Boy!"

Alex's mother turns to Julian.

"Julian, are they really upset that the boys have _changed_?, she asks.

"That's clearly obvious. Perhaps they're all **jealous**, too. Jealous that the Boys – with 'Little Alex', in particular – ended up with jobs, wives and families in succession. There are those who never want to see certain people succeed in life", Julian replies. "For the Boys to make up and turn around so successfully is a slap in the face to them. This is life, dear. What can you do? – You can't please everybody."

Julian and Mrs. Delarge Sr. begin to leave. They look around for Peggy and the Droogs. Poor Mrs. Delarge pushes the pram. Her son is nowhere about.

"Where did the Boys go? They left so quickly!", she wonders.

Familiar male voices and laughter – with one foolish style of male laughter, in particular – are heard outside the window. Julian figures it out in his typical cool demeanor.

"They're outside, Missus - probably messing around, as usual."

Julian takes over the pram, freeing Mrs. Delarge Senior, who smiles.

"It's nice to see Alex and the Boys have all made up!", she tells Julian, who calmly replies:

"I'm very glad for that, too."


	5. Messing Around

The Droogs and Peggy loiter by Julian's van. They're all getting over the anger of Mr. Deltoid and the detectives. Peggy cuddles Baby Alex. Alex Sr.'s got his arm about his beloved. She's a bit calmer, sniffling in-between.

"You okay, Leggy, love?", Alex asks her.

"I am, sweetheart. Slowly", Peggy replies. "Are you?", she asks him in turn.

"_Zammechat_, my lovely _zheena_! _Zammechat_!", Alex replies, using more Nadsat. Peggy is confused.

"Hm?", she utters, looking at Alex.

Peggy now remembers the other Droogs.

"Are you three also okay?", she asks them.

Unknown to Peggy, mischievous Alex throws his Droogs a wink. They catch on as to how to reply to her.

"Oh, we're _Zammechat_, sweetie!", Dim tells her.

"We're all _choodesny_, love!", Pete adds.

"It's all _choodesny _and _dorogoy_, Peggy, love!", Georgie tells her.

Poor Peggy is confused by all the Nadsat coming her way. The four Droogs snicker and stifle laughter.

"Um – Okay. I guess you're all okay, now", she simply replies.

Alex gives her a loving squeeze.

"Ah! That's a _dobby devotchka_! You're _ponyin' zammechat_, aren't you!", he tells her.

They laugh, again. Georgie – who's confronted Alex in the past – confronts him, again, in Peggy's defense.

"All right, Alex. Stop _fillyin'_ with her g_ulliver_! – We've teased her enough!"

Alex looks at Georgie.

"Have a short memory, Georgie-Boy?", he asks him, smirking.

"**No!**", Georgie boldly answers, smirking back at Alex. He hasn't forgotten their past 'disagreement', and what later happened at the Flatblock Marina.

Georgie returns his attention to Peggy. He speaks to her in regular English.

"So, my dear Peg, how's the 'sugar'?", Georgie asks her, mildly suggestive.

"_**Sugar**_?", she repeats, unsure of what they are getting at.

Mind you, Peggy is winsome, pretty, tender and sweet. Alex couldn't have found a better life companion. But she is quite slow to catch on to certain things. Alex is aware of this little flaw of hers. Yet, thankfully, he is patient with her.

Pete and Dim smile at her, observing Peggy's budding middle.

"How's **your** sugar?", Pete asks her directly.

"**My **sugar? – You mean **Alex**?", she asks Pete.

The Droogs burst out in laughter, highly amused at her naivete.

"Alex is **sugar?**", Dim asks in turn. "Since when?"

"**Granulated sugar**, perhaps!", Georgie adds. "Or **crystallized salt**!"

"Watch it, you two!", Alex warns them – in jest.

"You're so cute, Peg!", Dim laughingly tells her.

Alex kisses Peggy's cheek; then gives her middle a gentle pat.

"**Oh! **You mean the **baby!**", she now discerns. "Fine, thanks!"

Peggy fears the Boys are making fun of her. Alex gently squeezes her in loving reassurance the Boys meant no harm. But, geez! She **is** slow to catch on!

"It's all right, love! All's _dobby! _We're just teasing!", Pete tells her.

"No harm, sweetie. You should know us _vecks_, by now!", Georgie playfully adds.

Peggy shyly smiles. She is very shy, indeed.

"_Viddy, Droogies_! – and _devotchka_! Another gang!", Dim alerts his group.

Peggy gasps, fearing there'll be a fight between her husband's group and this unseen one. She clutches Alex Jr. Alex Sr. tightens his grip on his cane. So do Pete, Georgie and Dim with their sticks; Dim his chain. The four get ready for a _nozh scrap_…

The gang turns up – but they're messing around on their own. A gang of four, dressed up as a group in their fashionable 'gang attire'. But they are fooling around, dancing. As they pass by, three of the boys rhythmically clap as they follow the fourth member, who's ahead of them dancing. The 'dancer' ends up losing his balance, and falls against the cans, knocking them over with a clatter. His pals laugh. He, too, laughs, as he picks himself up. The Droogs are laughing also, and Peggy giggles. This gang is clearly not out to make trouble: they just want to be noticed by doing foolishness.

The leader sees Alex and the Droogs. He flashes the "Peace" sign at them.

"All _zammechat_, _cheloveks_!", he calls out to them. The fools stumble off.

"Good! Real _horrorshow, vecks_! _Itty _on!", Alex playfully calls back in response.

"**Alex! You left me with the pram!**", a familiar voice reprimands Alex.

The group turns, and sees Mrs. Delarge, Sr. walking with Julian, who's pushing Baby Alex's pram.

"Oh, Mum! We're sorry!", Peggy apologizes.

"Not you, Peggy, dear!", Mrs. Delarge tells her daughter-in-law. "It's Alex I'm fretting about! You've got the baby in your arms for so long! And the pram's inside with me!"

"Sorry about that, Em. You forgot the Police threw us out - remember?", Alex explains. "Righty-right. So, we all _ittied_. We left."

So much for an interesting day!


	6. The Four Civilians

Several days later –

Alex, Pete, Georgie and Dim are at the Police Station, again. No, nobody's in trouble. They are at a meeting with Julian and the other detectives at the other precinct. The boys are out of costume, and are dressed as civilians. They look dapper and handsome.

Alex is minus his 'eyelash'. On occasion, he might give his familiar smirk. But he's actually behaving himself. His wedding ring is visible on his left ring finger. So are the wedding bands of Pete, Georgie and Dim. Officers Georgie and Dim are wearing their Police badges on the lapels of their jackets. Alex and Pete don't have any, and are the obvious visiting guests.

The Boys/Droogs listen closely to Jules and the detectives explaining a new criminal assignment for them to look into, involving hoodlums.

Alex excuses himself (momentarily) to use the rest room. Finished, he prepares to re-enter the office to return to the meeting. He pauses, and reaches into his inner jacket pocket. He pulls out something small and flat: a photo. It is the photograph of Peggy in her black slip and stockings, looking winsome and seductive at the same time. Her smile is soft. She is seated near the vanity – and Alex Jr.'s bassinette.

Alex blissfully smiles at his wife's picture. Like before, a voice disrupts his reverie:

"Careful, Droogy! You might get a _pan-handle viddyin'_ your _Leggy_!"

The warning is followed by foolish laughter. It's none other than Dim, who stuck his head out the door.

"**Shut up!**", Alex tells him, in jest. He chuckles.

Alex puts away Peggy's picture, and returns to the meeting.

THE END


End file.
